By Jen DiMatteo
Program Coordinator, Parent Connection

It’s common to feel increased stress and depression during the holiday season. As adults, we are often faced with the pressure to meet added demands like extra cooking, shopping, entertaining and tighter schedules.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, you might also find yourself with fewer outlets for your stress and fewer people outside your household to interact with. You might also be under extra financial strain or struggling with day-to-day schedules and routines as you try to balance work, childcare, school, and your sanity.  It’s a lot for anyone, at any time in life. But over the holidays?  These extra stressors can easily bring up feelings of failure, disappointment, and uncertainty.

The first step to managing stress in this difficult season is to focus on what you CAN control rather than what you CAN’T. Using the 9 methods below, you and your family will be better able to enjoy the holidays with those you choose to spend them with!

9 Tips for managing stress over the holidays:

1.) Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings and what may be causing them. Understand you are not alone in how you feel. Recognize how high amounts of stress affect your mind, body, and health.  Refocus on things you can control for in that moment.  Focus on the things in your life that hold the most meaning to you, as well as the things you value about yourself.  Stressful situations can move us away from what we value most.

2.) Be realistic about what you can do versus how you want things to be.  We cherish our traditions and time with family and friends, and we envision the perfect holiday celebrations.  But during this pandemic, remember that staying home is one of the best ways to stay safe. It’s okay to find new ways to share the holidays with those you love this year. Accepting imperfection can often lead to more honest human connection.  Making the most of the situations that are in your control will help you accept and get through those things you cannot control.

3.) Reach out to others for connection and support.  Connect with your family and friends through positive memories and experiences.   Write a holiday letter to those you care about sharing all you are thankful for.  Plan video chats where you share activities together like crafts, cooking, game night and more.  Talk to people in your life about putting differences aside, and share with each other all you cherish from your relationships.  Letting go of and accepting each other for things that are in the past and for your differences can help release negative feelings.

4.) Stay present when spending time with your loved ones.  Use all your senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch) to take in these moments. Focus on giving your full attention to the loved ones around you. When we are focused and present in the moment, we are better able to make memories that leave us feeling fulfilled.

5.) Know your budget. Before shopping for everyone on your shopping list, know how much you can afford to spend, how many people you plan to shop for, and make a list of affordable gift ideas for each person.  To save money, you can also consider making homemade gifts, having gift exchanges, or doing things for others.  Remember that the holidays are a time to share together, make memories and enjoy those closest to you in your life.  The gift of time and memories cannot be returned and has more value than money can buy.

6.) Schedule your time for shopping, baking and festivities.  Be sure to plan around day-to-day activities so you can maintain your daily routines.  From bedtime to waking time, school and work, exercise and free time, keeping these routines during the pandemic and holidays will help you and your family keep your minds and bodies healthy, stay productive, and enjoy your time together more.  Consider taking time out for yourself by walking, listening to music, reading a book, or some other activity you enjoy.  Plan for family unwinding time. This could include family walks, game night, movie night, crafting, or cooking together.

7.) Don’t take on more than you can handle.  It is okay to say “no.”  From work to social events, people will understand if you cannot take on more.  If it is work related, consider if there are other things you can take off your list, or ask if deadlines can be extended.  Don’t feel obligated to attend social gatherings, and don’t be afraid to let people know if you choose not to gather for the safety of yourself and your family.

8.) Practice acts of kindness. Many of us feel alone during the holidays and times of high stress.  Find small ways to act out of kindness for those around you. This can include small gestures to help others, such as volunteering in the community or donating to those most in need.  Acts of kindness help us feel connection to others.

9.) Don’t hesitate to ask for help.  If you find that you are consistently feeling depressed, anxious, withdrawn, or behaving in ways that are unlike your usual self, please talk to someone for help.  Consider talking to trusted family or friends, a mental health professional, or a religious leader.

Remember, if you are not taking care of yourself, you will not be able to be be there for others. You can’t pour from an empty cup!

The stressors we feel from time to time will change, and they will look different for everyone. Trust that the situational stressors in your life will pass and you can look forward to better times.  These situations offer us opportunity to learn, grow and make positive changes in our lives.  When we find ourselves living with stress that will be with us for awhile, we do need to ground ourselves, create space in our minds and bodies, and find the good in all around us.

This holiday season, may you recognize all the good in your life, build more opportunity for connection and fulfillment, and use this time to create positive memories to last a lifetime!

References:

• Mayo Clinic. Stress, Depression and the Holidays: Tips for Coping.  www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544
• Providence. April 20, 2020. How to Apply Holiday Family Logic in the Time of COVID-19.  www.providence.org/news/uf/611340408
• World Health Organization. April 29, 2020. Doing What Matters in Times of Stress.  www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240003927?gclid=CjwKCAjwzvX7BRAeEiwAsXExo21u8Yw5cRV90tbZ5Ux7NUkqWGfVNPHqTGP2DmuaB3nVQi3Gg7-J8BoCkxUQAvD_BwE

By Shelly Missall
Outreach Coordinator, Wisconsin Lifeline

When someone experiences a mental health crisis, it means they are facing the lowest of lows as well as a significant loss of control. This loss of control has the potential to escalate into self-harm, harm of others, suicidal ideation and even suicide attempts.

The struggles of someone experiencing a mental health crisis often do not immediately diminish when the person reaches out for or gets help. They may not be believed or understood. The person in crisis may also experience an even greater loss of control through things such as restraints and isolation, hospitalization, or even jail time. When the mental health crisis is resolved and the person can return to his or her life, you might expect the worst to be over. Unfortunately, that isn’t necessarily the case – but there are ways that we, as a community, can help make that transition easier.

Upon completion of a stay in jail or inpatient treatment, the person who was in crisis will often return to a significant amount of uncertainty. It may mean returning to a life built on secrecy and isolation due to the stigma of mental illness. It could also mean greater uncertainty and isolation from the loss of a job, home, or personal relationships because of their crises.

Mental illness is often referred to as not being a “casserole” disease. If someone you know and care about has a cancer diagnosis, you would tend to rally around the person. You might show your support by wearing colored ribbons or bringing a casserole to help the family out. Likewise, if someone you know or care about reveals a recent diagnosis of diabetes or Crohn’s disease or arthritis, you might inquire what that means for them and maybe even ask how you can help. In the case of a mental health diagnosis, however, these same supportive efforts are rarely offered.

For many of us, mental health triggers uncertainty and discomfort. We aren’t sure what to say or do. We don’t know what might offend or trigger a person, so we avoid. We give the person space and assume that if there is something we can do, that person will reach out and let us know.

Unfortunately, it is because of this same uncertainty, coupled with experiences of stigma, judgement and avoidance, that a person who recently experienced a mental health crisis likely won’t feel safe in making that contact. Worse yet, this time of uncertainty after returning from in-patient care is the most tenuous. According to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL), the risk of suicide is greatest in the first week after in-patient care.

Although, the NSPL notes that 70% of those who attempt suicide do not attend their first appointment or rarely make it past the first or second session, evidence also shows that follow-up contacts have a drastic impact on reducing suicide in the next three months and create a reduction in suicide likelihood reaching five years beyond.

While crisis centers and outpatient facilities can offer a variety of life-saving follow up, the key to unlocking mental health is community integration. Connecting people to their communities, reducing isolation and stigma can better support those who need it now, while reducing the negative stigma and isolation in the future.

This doesn’t mean you need to bring someone discharged from in-patient following a mental health crisis a casserole, but breaking the cycle of silence and avoidance can create significant impact. The next time you hear of a friend, family member, or co-worker who is struggling with their mental health, try reaching out to let them know you care and you’re here to listen. This can go a long way toward helping create a feeling of belonging in a person’s support network and community. Checking in can be as simple as a text, note or a phone call. It is less about how you connect than making the effort that you do connect to offer your support.

When the person does decide to open up, it is important to be patient, show respect and avoid judgement. Offer your support without delegitimizing their experience. Share with them that while you cannot relate specifically to their illness or situation, you do know what it is like to struggle.

Listening with empathy can help minimize the feelings of fear and uncertainty and move toward a community of acceptance for everyone. Together, we can help reduce the stigma of mental health crises and ease the transition from crisis to healing for those who struggle.

Sources:

Appleby, L., Shaw, J., Amos, T., McDonnell, R., Harris, C., McCann, K., Kiernan, K., Davies, S., Bickley, H., & Parsons, R. (1999) Suicide within 12 months of contact with mental health services: national clinical survey. BMJ, 318(7193), 1235-1239. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.318.7193.1235

National Association on Mental Illness (2020, August 21). Practice guidelines: Follow-up. https://networkresourcecenter.org/display/practiceguide/Follow-Up

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (2020, August 21). Follow-up matters. https://followupmatters.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/follow-up-starts-here/

Andrea Peltier, LCSW
Day Treatment

Parents often feel alone and not good enough with the tough jobs they have to do. Whether it is coping with the challenging times we are currently facing or dealing with past trauma, abuse, neglect, divorce, loss, or other hardships. Children and teens can also face significant struggles in their lives and sometimes have extreme difficulty coping with them. Just like adults, they may begin to suffer from mental health problems. These problems can begin to emerge even from a young age.

When a child is younger, their behaviors may seem more manageable. But as they age, things may become more out of control or difficult to manage. Their emotions and behaviors may begin to have a negative impact on their relationships with family and friends. They might have trouble functioning within the community or at school. Eventually, the issues they are struggling with may begin to affect their ability to gain independence and hold a job or participate in other social activities.

While child mental health treatment and counseling is becoming more accessible, it is still difficult for parents, caregivers, and teachers to know when to take the first steps and where to go for help. It is often helpful to hear some concrete ways to know whether your child or teen’s moods or behaviors could be more serious and are cause to get outside support.

Below are five examples and explanations that will help you know the difference between typical concerns and symptoms of a real mental health problem.

If your child becomes upset when things don’t go their way, cries easily, regularly gets down on themselves, displays negative thought patterns, or blames others for their problems you may worry that your child is depressed. These characteristics not accompanied by any other serious trauma and for a child under 10 are typically normal at times. However, if your child cries every day and they can’t resume back to typical functioning afterwards, this may be more of a concern.

If in addition to a sad or depressed mood your child is also irritable more often than not, is overeating or has no appetite, or if they have insomnia or are over sleeping — this may be a sign of a more significant issue. If your child also displays low to no energy, has difficulty concentrating or with making decisions, and expresses feelings of hopelessness, your child may be suffering from depression.

Some other things to watch for are more significant behavior change, such as: lack of interest in things they used to enjoy, isolation, and lack of interest in playing with friends or socializing as they once did and especially talk of wanting to be dead or threats of killing themselves. If your child has only had these symptoms within the context of the loss of a loved one, they may only need help working through the grieving process. Loss of a loved one does not only occur when someone dies but may occur as a result of a move, loss of a pet, or while parents are going through a separation or divorce. If the symptoms above have gradually increased over time or are causing your child behavioral changes, withdrawal and talk of suicide, you must take it seriously and seek out help immediately.

If your child argues with you, talks back, is often snippy and doesn’t always listen to you, try and take comfort in knowing that these are normal kid behaviors. Children are constantly testing our limits to see what they can get away with. However, if your child’s outbursts are extreme overreactions for the situation, or turn into physical aggression or destruction of property after the age of 7, you may need to seek additional help. If these verbal or physical outbursts occur more days than not and have persisted for one year, this may be a sign of a more serious problem.

If your child only displays these behaviors at home and never anywhere else, you may benefit from seeking support for yourself and considering new or different strategies for discipline, rewards, incentives, etc. All children are different and what works for one child, doesn’t necessarily work for another. Parents should also remember the importance of taking care of their own mental well-being and stress levels. This will serve as a health model for your child. You’ll also have more energy and creative solutions to deal with your child’s most challenging of behaviors.

If your child becomes stressed before returning back to school in the fall, before a sleepover or a test, or when meeting someone new, your child is likely experiencing normal worry and anxiety. These are emotions that we all experience throughout life. But if your child’s regular daily functioning is impacted negatively by their worrying more days than not throughout a week, this may be cause for more concern.

If a child is having difficulty sleeping, seems on-edge, is tense or uneasy and becoming irritable more often, they may be dealing with more serious anxious symptoms. With that, therapy has proven to be very effective in helping children deal with anxiety. This intense worry would usually be present for more than six months and not within the context of a recent traumatic experience or loss.

Many parents and caregivers have concerns about a child’s arguing and defiance. It would be so much easier if their child would respond when called upon and do what is asked of them, without getting into an argument and yelling for 10 minutes over a simple task. Unfortunately, not listening is often a typical part of a child’s natural development.

Consider yourself lucky if your child rarely argues and usually listens! There is a difference, though, if your child’s argument or defiance also includes being vindictive, spiteful, and blaming of others regularly. A negative, irritable mood usually also accompanies these behaviors. Additionally, this would typically not be present until 5 years of age or older.

Keep in mind that at times children who are depressed may present with irritability as well. However, they may not necessarily present with aggression or to these extremes. It isn’t uncommon that the symptoms only present at home, however, would be considered more severe if they are displayed in other settings, such as daycare, school, or in social or job settings.

If your child seems to not hear you when you are talking, your child is not alone. However, not listening or responding back to you sometimes does not mean that your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. It likely means that your child is engaged in an activity and is sort of tuned out while in the activity. Be open with your child that you expect them to at least acknowledge you and how soon you expect them to do what is asked. Parents and caregivers should also keep in mind that kids don’t have the same priorities or timeline as adults, so picking up those dirty socks may not be as high on their priority list as it may be on yours.

However, if a child displays inattentive, hyperactive and impulsive symptoms prior to the age of 12 years old and these symptoms have persisted for more than 6 months, your child may be dealing with ADHD. If your child’s lack of listening, problems with organization, and/or hyperactivity, and/or impulsivity is negatively impacting their functioning at home and their grades in school, they may have characteristics of ADHD. If your child often makes careless mistakes with work, lacks attention to details, has difficulty with sustained attention to tasks, or seems to be bouncing off the walls more often than not, your child may be struggling with more severe symptoms that need attention.

When and Where to Get Help

There are several factors to consider when determining whether a child or adolescent is truly suffering from a mental health disorder. Some of these factors are: age, culture, gender, history, trauma, genetics, and even societal influences. Many people have faced challenges with mental illness for many years and were unaware of what was happening to them. Many have felt alone, embarrassed or in disbelief that counseling or other outside interventions would help. Some are nervous to talk about their struggles, while others are concerned about the financial implications.

There is good news, though! Whether you or your child have ever received an actual mental health diagnosis or not, you can always seek out counseling. Therapists get into the field because they care about people and they have significant empathy for the challenging situations that occur in life. They are specifically available to give anyone an outlet to cope, talk, heal and process difficult times that have caused increased stress. Many insurance companies have eased restrictions and are allowing much better coverage for counseling services. With that, much of the stigma surrounding mental health is also decreasing, especially surrounding the Covid-19 pandemic. Individuals, businesses and insurance companies alike are recognizing the toll that these difficult times are taking on us all.

It is important for parents to allow their child to tell them how they feel and do their best to empathize with them, even if they don’t feel the same way. The more that a parent can provide their child a listening ear without criticizing, the more likely their child will open up about what feelings they may be experiencing. If you are concerned that your child’s symptoms may be more severe, let your child know you are worried about them and want to do what you can to help them, because the situations that have been occurring seem to be unpleasant for the child but also for you and others around.

Resources Through Family Services

In Brown County the Crisis Center is available 24/7 to help support you and your child in a time of crisis and you can reach them at (920) 436-8888. There are other crisis lines available throughout the state and in your own local counties. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is also always available at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741.

Family Services’ Counseling Clinic is always available and has immediate openings for therapy. Call (920) 436-6800 to schedule an appointment with a therapist.

If you have already had your child in counseling but intense disruption still continues, Family Services’ Day Treatment may be the right next step for your child. Call us at (920) 433-3372 ext. 100 for more information or to enroll.

By Paula Miller
Day Treatment

Everyone has struggles getting along together as a family. But this? This is different. Your child is defiant and sometimes even out of control. They won’t tell you what is wrong. Or maybe, they don’t want to get out of bed. Getting them to go to school is nearly impossible. They don’t want to take a shower and they wear the same clothes for days. As a parent, you’re worried. You aren’t sure what to do, but you know that something needs to be done. The question is, who can help?

When a child is showing signs of mental or behavioral health issues, it can be confusing to try and figure out who the child needs to see. Your search for services may uncover several local providers – each with different titles, and each with their own expertise. It can be hard to know which one is the right one to help your child and your family.

To help take out some of the guesswork, we’ve put together a road map of four types of mental health providers and what they can help with:

Therapist or Counselor: Individual or family appointments are attended at this person’s office (called outpatient sessions). Clients can see them weekly, bi-weekly, or more or less often depending upon need. This person is not a doctor and does not prescribe medications.

Psychologist: Is a doctor in the sense that they are a PhD in their field which involves extensive education. That’s where the title “Dr.” comes from. If they have PhD at the end of their name they are this kind of doctor. They do not prescribe medications. Some provide counseling sessions while others do evaluations which involve intensive testing to determine a more precise diagnosis for your child.

Psychiatrist: This is the medical doctor and has M.D. at the end of their name. They can prescribe medications. Appointments with them are usually to get the basic information about what has been going on and then deciding if medications are a good choice for your child. They go over the effects of the medication and any possible side effects. After the initial appointment you return to give updates to the doctor and discuss how the medication is working. They do not do counseling sessions.

Nurse Prescriber: Many people think that this person is a doctor because they prescribe medications. This is a registered nurse who has special training and licensing to be able to prescribe medications. Many people go to a nurse prescriber because it is easier to get in for an appointment with them than it is to get in with a psychiatrist.

If you are concerned about your child’s behavior, of the most important things to remember is don’t wait. The way mental health is set up, you have a starting point with a therapist and then you progress from there. If behaviors have been going on for a while don’t hesitate to make that first appointment and talk to someone. If problems and behaviors continue, consider seeing a psychiatrist. You will need a referral from your child’s primary care physician. Getting in for an appointment can take months, so it is important to set this up as soon as you think you need to.

Parents sometimes delay getting help for their child until things are serious enough that they are causing terrible disruption in the family. These families may be desperate to get their child into a more intensive type of service such as Day Treatment, only to find out that their insurances require that less intensive services such as outpatient therapy be tried first. That is why it’s important to get started with a counselor or therapist right away.

The Counseling Clinic at Family Services is currently taking appointments for virtual, outpatient therapy sessions and can be reached at 920-436-6800. Sometimes parents hesitate because there is still stigma attached to mental health services, but please don’t be afraid to reach out. That’s what therapists are there for and they want to help.

If your child and family have already tried less intensive services, but are still struggling, then our Day Treatment program may be a good fit. Day Treatment can help your child learn how to manage their emotions and develop responsible thinking while participating in intensive group therapy for issues such as trauma, family problems, or abuse. Call 920-433-3372 ext.100 to get the intake process started with a phone interview. There is currently no wait list for adolescents ages 14-18 years old. We look forward to talking to you!

By Chelsea McGuire, MAC, LPC
Counseling Clinic Therapist

June is Pride Month. It’s a time to celebrate diversity in sexuality and gender identity. It’s also a time to remember that, historically, those who identify as a member of the LGBTQ+ community have faced significant stigma and discrimination. Although society has made much progress in this regard, those who identify as LGBTQ+ are much more likely to deal with mental health concerns due to the persistent marginalization and trauma they have experienced on both a community and individual level.

A 2017 survey by Mental Health America found that 49% – nearly half – of participating LGBTQ+ identifying individuals had experienced significant suicidal ideation over the past two weeks, as opposed to 33% of the general population. The same survey also found that LGBTQ+ identifying individuals were less likely to seek out mental health treatment than those identifying as heterosexual and/or cisgender.  These results reflect the need for significant change on an institutional level to ensure that members of the LGBTQ+ community are provided with the mental health support and services they need, free from judgement or stigmatization.

Fortunately, there are ways we can ALL help to make a significant impact on the mental and emotional wellbeing of the LGBTQ+ community:

Acceptance is consistently found to make a meaningful impact. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ identifying youth who feel accepted by their family, community, and friends are two-thirds less likely to experience suicidal ideation and attempts than those who do NOT experience familial support or otherwise welcoming environments. Anyone can offer their acceptance and support at no cost, and even the smallest action can have a significant impact on the life and mental health of an LGBTQ+ individual.

Allies seek to educate themselves regarding the range of sexuality and gender identities that exist. To be a good ally, use the appropriate pronouns when talking with a transgender individual and ask for clarification when needed. Make yourself available to listen to those who need to talk and process their experiences without judgement. Speak out against any prejudice or discrimination you come across in your community.

These are two simple ways you can make a positive impact on the mental health of LGBTQ+ individuals in your life and in your community. If you know someone who is struggling with their mental health due to marginalization or trauma, work to connect them with the social and mental health supports that they need. Let them know it is okay to seek help and that there are therapists right here in Northeast Wisconsin who specialize in the concerns of LGBTQ+ individuals.

By Vicky Coppens, MSW, LCSW
Counseling Clinic Supervisor/Therapist

Mental health providers have had to quickly adapt to delivering virtual therapy services to their clients online or by phone due to COVID-19. If you or someone you know is experiencing challenges with their mental wellness during the pandemic, virtual therapy may be a nice support to help you through this time.

Meeting with a therapist virtually, instead of in person, can be a different experience for many. As a therapist and telehealth provider, I’ve put together the following tips to help you get the most out of every virtual therapy session.

Create a Private Space

Make sure that you are able to engage in your session in a quiet, confidential space in your home. Avoid any areas where you will be easily distracted. If you live with others, consider placing a Do Not Disturb sign on the door of your quiet space and have a conversation prior to your appointment regarding your need for privacy. You may also consider using headphones or earbuds that are compatible to your device (laptop, phone etc.) to ensure privacy.

Acknowledge Your Feelings About Telehealth

Keep in mind that it is natural to feel nervous or even awkward prior to starting telehealth therapy. Tell your therapist how you are feeling; they should be able to help you to work through any feelings of discomfort. Ask for what you need. Remember, you are looking for support during a challenging time. If therapy does not appear to be going in the direction that you would like, tell your therapist! Any feedback you give them should be welcome.

Be mindful

Prior to your session, make a list of what you want to address. It’s important for you, the client, to direct your session. In the moment you may forget what it is that you wanted to talk about, particularly if this is your first virtual therapy experience. Another good way to stay focuses is to avoid any multitasking during the session. For the next 45 to 50 minutes, allow yourself to fully engage with your therapist. Try to make eye contact with your camera and focus on what you and your therapist are saying to each other. Make sure that your device is fully charged and is working well prior to the appointment. This will ensure that you are able to fully engage in your session without worrying that your device is going to lose power at any moment.

Again, meeting with a mental health therapist via telehealth may feel uncomfortable at first. However, if you keep these tips in mind and prepare yourself ahead of time, the experience will likely be effective and even enjoyable.

If you are interested in booking a virtual therapy session, Family Services’ Counseling Clinic is currently accepting new clients. To schedule and appointment or learn more, please call (920) 436-6800.

Jim Dercks, MAC, LPC
Counseling Clinic Therapist
 

The smell of the flowers, the birds chirping, the warm breeze on your face, and the trees blooming.  Springtime is finally here.  The long, cold winter is over and the warmth of spring air is making its return.  Most of us miss, however, the details of spring that make it so beautiful.  Why is that?  Is it because we are too busy?  Is it because we are too focused on everything else in life?  Is it because it comes every year so it’s nothing new, been there done that?  These are just a few examples as to why we miss out on the small, detailed wonders of our world.  This is where mindfulness comes in.

Mindfulness is a mental state where you become completely aware of your surroundings and your body.  Mindfulness is living in the present, not the past or future, and being aware of where you are at in that current moment.  To achieve perfect mindfulness, a person is in touch with all five senses: taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound.  They acknowledge where they are at and they take it in – all of it.

With spring arriving, this is a great time to practice your own mindfulness.  When you hear the birds start chirping, take in the sounds.  Chances are you have not heard bird sounds in months.  Enjoy their songs and how they communicate with each other.  As it starts getting warmer out, go outside and take in the heat of the breeze and block out everything else.  Let your body enjoy that warmth as you meditate on it.  When you see some flowers that are blooming, take a moment to enjoy the coloring of the flowers after a white winter.  Go up and smell those flowers and try to capture every scent that they give off.  If you are one for dancing in the rain, spring comes with a lot of it.  Feel the rain as it comes down, listen to it splash on the ground, taste the raindrops, and enjoy the moment.  Being mindful keeps you in the present moment to take it all in.

Mindfulness brings with it a sense of peace and understanding.  If you would like to explore other helpful ways to enhance your mindfulness this spring, please follow the link https://mindfulminutes.com/springtime-mindfulness-6-ways-invigorate-practice/ to practice and learn six more ways to do so from Melissa Eisler.  Let us all be more mindful this spring and remember to enjoy the little things!

By Tammy Ullmer
Family Support Specialist
Women’s Recovery Journey
 

It’s 10 o’clock in the morning and so far I have built a perfectly symmetrical castle with blocks, baked three-dozen cookies, played two games of Trouble plus a tie-breaker game, had a lengthy discussion about sportsmanship, washed two loads of laundry, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and made it around the block with my 3^rd grader, my preschooler, my baby in the stroller, and our dog who thinks he needs to water every single yard we pass. Sound familiar?

Parenting during a pandemic is not for the faint of heart. COVID-19 has thrown us all into a world of uncertainty. We are not only parents but also teachers, friends, entertainment, and referees to our children. In times like these, we must turn to the golden rule of air travel: Put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping those around you. Translation: We must take the time to care for ourselves (without feeling guilty) before we can effectively care for our children. Below are 4 tips to help guide your parenting to promote your own mental wellness as well as your children’s mental wellness.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect. Without childcare or babysitters offering you a break, self-care might mean taking an extra minute for yourself hiding in the bathroom. Or, a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. It could be picking up a practice like meditation, deep breathing, a new hobby, journaling, or simply allowing yourself additional screen time. Give yourself room to not be a perfect parent, because there really is no such thing. Having 16 hours a day to fill to keep our children happy, occupied, schooled and well fed does not allow time for perfection. If you are doing your best, you are doing enough! It is more crucial to set a good example for your children by being calm, emotionally healthy, and reliable. Kids will model how their parents behave and react. If you raise your voice, appear stressed, exhibit erratic behavior or appear panicked, your children will do the same.

Let Them Be Bored. Not keeping your children busy 100% of the day will not cause them permanent harm. You are not a cruise director. You do not need to plan out every single second. Remember that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to time with your children. Scheduling every single minute of their day will just exhaust all those involved. Try to find a balance, exhibit calmness and let them know that uncertainty is a part of normal life and should be taken one moment at a time. This is how our children will learn resiliency, which is one of the most important skills they will use throughout their lives! When they look back on this time in their childhoods, they will not remember which games you played with them or how many cookies you baked. Instead, they will look back and remember whether you were present for them, whether you were calm and gentle with them, the ways you reassured them and squashed their anxieties, and all the ways you rooted them in reality and mindfulness.

Be Open About What is Happening. Please talk to your children about the virus and why all our lives are so different right now. Children know their lives are different. They have heard about the pandemic from the news, social media, and their friends or perhaps through overhearing your conversations with other adults. If the topic is not discussed with them directly, your child may begin to believe that the virus is unbelievable or scary. Without the facts their imaginations can run wild. Speaking to them about the virus will be an opportunity to dispel myths and teach them about the importance of gathering information from reputable, reliable sources. This will not be through social media outlets or other people’s personal opinions.

Accept the Lack of Control. We need to teach our children there are things in life that they (and you) cannot control. In times like these, it is important to encourage your children to focus on what they can control rather than what they can’t. In this case, they can control their home routines, schedules, and personal hygiene. This is a great opportunity to teach them to wash their hands regularly, sneeze or cough into their elbow, and to use at least 2 tissues at a time to blow or wipe their noses. Explain to them what social distancing means and how practicing it can help them stay safe. You can also help your children learn to identify their own feelings about what is happening. Play a game of “Emotions Charades” by having each player act out an emotion and guessing what that emotion is. Explain why it’s okay to feel those emotions and suggest healthy ways of dealing with them.

This should be a time of building memories…happy ones, not memories of excessive stress over how to fit 20 things into each day and which 20 different things you are going to do tomorrow. Remember to take care of yourself first and be sure to watch your children for changes in their sleep patterns, changes in appetite, mood fluctuations or expressions of self-harm. If you notice any of these changes please know that there are crisis workers, therapists and support specialists available by phone or virtual visits to help. We can’t always be everything to our children. Knowing when to ask for outside help is crucial to keeping our children happy, healthy, safe, and mentally well.

The impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on people’s mental health will be felt long after our lives return to some kind of normalcy.

Today, I wanted to share a brief message with you about this challenge, how Family Services is responding, and how we are preparing for the immense needs to come.

Thank you and stay safe,

Jeff Vande Leest
President & CEO
Family Services of Northeast Wisconsin

By Vicky Coppens, MSW, LCSW
Program Director, Counseling Clinic 

What is often said to be the most wonderful time of the year can also be filled with anxiety and dread. For some of us, the hustle and bustle of the season can evoke an overwhelming feeling to run away or hide from the holidays. If this sounds like you, you are not alone. Here are a few tips to help you enjoy the holidays and not dread them!

1.) YOU decide who to spend your time with

The holidays are tough enough without having to spend time with people you do not feel comfortable with. Make a pact with yourself to only say “yes” to gatherings that you are excited about and “no” to those you are not. If you feel like you absolutely have to attend a social gathering you aren’t looking forward to, ask who will be there. Create a plan for how you will navigate interactions you aren’t looking forward to. This could mean bringing your own vehicle to the event or finding a quiet space you can duck away to if needed. After the holidays, make it a point to make plans with the people you care about most. Who says that the holidays can’t go beyond New Year’s Day?

2.) Set boundaries that are healthy and effective

Boundaries are important every day, yet this time of year seems to be when people struggle most. If you often find yourself giving into the demands of friends, family, neighbors or anyone else “because it’s the holidays,” remember that it’s okay to be true to yourself. Ask for help when you need it and say “no” if it will mean pushing your own needs and boundaries aside. Tell people how you are feeling and be assertive in your requests. Remember, you deserve to find as much joy in the holiday season as the people around you!

3.) Stick to your routine

The holidays can quickly become more enjoyable if both kids and adults stick to their regular daily routine. Too often, the added demands and excitement over the holidays can throw off your usual balance. Bedtimes may go out the window and you might find yourself overindulging in sweet treats or holiday cocktails. Any one of those things can impact how we feel throughout the season. If you’re a parent or caregiver, make sure that everyone sticks to their normal bedtime schedule. Be sure to eat a well-balanced meal before attending a holiday gathering to avoid those sugar highs and lows. If you had an exercise routine, allow yourself to still make time for it. The holidays can often feel chaotic, but keeping your routine can give you back your sense of control.

4.) Keep your to-do list manageable

Make a list and stick to it. When you plan ahead, you avoid setting yourself up for the last-minute stress of wanting to do more. If you are unsure of what to put on your list, ask for wish lists from the people you plan to buy for. Or, instead of buying gifts, you could make a donation to a cause that is special to your loved one. Allow yourself to make things simple yet meaningful at the same time.

5.) Seek professional help

If you are already connected to a therapist, make sure to schedule and keep your appointments throughout the busy holiday season. If you don’t currently see a therapist but feel like the holidays are impeding on your mental health, ask your doctor or a trusted friend for a referral to a therapist. Tell yourself once again that it is ok to ask for help. Our greatest wealth is our health and that includes mental wellness.

If you do find yourself looking for a therapist, Family Services of Northeast Wisconsin has a Counseling Clinic that can help. New clients can typically be seen within 1-2 weeks. For our Green Bay clinic, call 920-436-6800 or call our Fox Valley clinic at 920-739-4226. Let this holiday season be one to remember, not one that you want to forget. Keep these tips in mind and remember, you got this.