Category: Parenting

By: Elissa Kraynik

Supervisor/Family Support Specialist/Child Passenger Safety Technician

Parent Connection

“I am a terrible parent.” “I just want my baby to stop crying.” “I just want to scream.” Have you ever felt this way? Parenting guilt is a real thing. These thoughts that may be inside your head are normal. You are not alone. Your feelings are extremely valid. You may be suffering from extreme lack of sleep. You may be stressing out about other responsibilities with work, school, laundry, or making meals.

Here are 4 things you can do if you feel yourself getting too overwhelmed or angry with an infant:

1. Stop and assess the situation: If you have an infant or a small child, they can sense your feelings. An infant can feel your heartbeat and sense that something is wrong. This might make it very hard for you and your infant to calm.
2. Take a few minutes to yourself: Find a safe place like a crib or bassinet free of blankets, pillows, or stuffed animals to lay your baby in. Turn on a sound machine or soft music. Leave the room. Take a deep breath while counting to ten – in through the nose and out through the mouth. Re-center and refocus.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help: It is important to have a person or two in your phone that you can call or text when you need a minute to let your feelings out.
4. Get outside: After a nap, grab the stroller and get outside. Even a quick walk around the block can help!

If your child is older and in danger of hurting themselves or others, you may need to take them to a quiet, safer place to better regulate their emotions. This may mean removing them from a certain room or public place.

Here are 3 things you can do to help regulate you and your older child’s emotions:

1. Communicate: Validate your child’s feelings by explaining you also feel frustrated. Explain to your child that we both need to take a pause in order to regain control of how we’re feeling.
2. Regulate breathing: Take a deep breath and count to ten, ask your child to help you. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.
3. Soothe: Turn on a sound machine or soft music. Rock in a chair, sway standing up, or just lie on the couch.

By showing your child that you can properly recognize, validate, and regulate your own emotions, you are modeling a positive stress response. Just like learning how to tie your shoes, children need to be taught how to deal with these larger-than-life emotions. If it helps to write down your stress response plan, or “Time Out Technique,” do it! Where do meltdowns tend to happen within your home? Where do you feel the most overwhelmed? Do meltdowns coincide with making dinner or bath time? Consider posting your “Time Out Technique” there!

During nap time or when the kids are at school or in bed, practice some self-care – especially after a particularly hard day. Take a warm quiet bath, read that magazine article or book you’ve been putting off, plant some flowers, or call a friend. Reach out. We are here for you.

By: Elissa Kraynik

Supervisor/Family Support Specialist/Child Passenger Safety Technician

Parent Connection

Disclaimer: It is important to trust your gut. It is always better to report than to second guess yourself and stay quiet. Many of the below signs may be present or maybe just one or two signs. Every case is unique. Always keep in mind that warning signs do not mean that a child is being abused.

Child abuse is a heartbreaking reality that affects millions of children worldwide. In comes in many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse – as well as neglect. As a responsible adult, it’s essential to know the signs of child abuse and be able to recognize when a child is in danger. Here are some red flags that may indicate child abuse:

15 signs of abuse or neglect in a non-verbal infant, toddler, or child

1. Crying when being left at a caregivers or when a parent picks them up when they previously have not
2. Sudden change in behavior — aggression, anger, hostility or hyperactivity
3. Unusual or sudden new fears
4. Sleep problems and nightmares
5. Unexplained injuries, or injuries that do not match the explanation given
6. Injuries that do not match the child’s age or developmental abilities
7. Rebellious or defiant behavior
8. Self-harm or attempts at suicide
9. Knowledge of sexual behavior that is not age appropriate.
10. Sudden hostility or inappropriate behavior with other children
11. Loss of interest in activities that previously brought them joy
12. A sudden desperate need for attention and/or affection
13. Weight loss or weight gain inappropriate for the child’s size and age
14. Poor hygiene/lack of clean clothes
15. Stealing or hiding food

14 Signs of abuse or neglect in a verbal toddler or child.

Note: Even if a child has the ability to verbalize that they are not safe or their needs are not being met, they may be afraid to tell anyone.

1. Withdrawal from friends or family
2. Increased or many absences from school
3. Refusing to go to school, go to daycare, or going home after school or daycare or becoming worked up before these events
4. Depression, anxiety, sudden changes in behavior, lack of interest of previously enjoyed activities
5. The appearance of lack of sleep
6. New rebellious behavior, changes in rule following, acting out
7. Unexplained injuries, or injuries that do not match the explanation given-lack of eye contact when explaining these injuries
8. Knowledge of sexual behavior that is not age appropriate, inappropriate behavior with other children
9. Lack of self-esteem, confidence, or pride in accomplishments
10. A sudden desperate need for attention and/or affection
11. A change in schoolwork or change in grades
12. Weight loss or weight gain inappropriate for child’s size and weight
13. Poor hygiene/lack of clean clothes/wearing the same clothes every day without washing
14. Stealing or hiding food

If you suspect that a child is being abused, it’s essential to report your concerns to the appropriate authorities.  You can contact your local child protective services agencies, the police, or a child abuse hotline. Remember, it’s better to err on the side of caution and report your concerns than to ignore the signs of abuse. With your help, we can protect children and prevent child abuse from happening.

(Green Bay, Wis) – The Sexual Assault Center of Family Services is proud to announce the results of its Smartphone & Tablet Recycling Drive held Feb. 23-24, 2022 in conjunction with Give BIG Green Bay.

Dozens of community members took action to help keep kids safe online by dropping off their old, unused devices. A total of 16 tablets, 111 smartphones and a handful of other devices were recycled to ensure that children and teens would not be able to use them to gain unsupervised access to social media and other apps. Such access can put kids at risk of being targeted for child exploitation or abuse by predators online.

“We are incredibly grateful that so many from our community took the effort to discard unused electronics in the home,” said Holli Fisher, Program Manager for the Sexual Assault Center. “This will reduce the chance that kids will be exposed to potential perpetrators online.”

The idea for the drive came in part from the Sexual Assault Center staff and their work with victims of online abuse, harassment and human trafficking. But also, from one staff member’s personal experience as a parent whose child was found to be using an unmonitored device to access the internet.

Fisher says removing old devices from the home that can still connect to Wi-Fi is a simple step that any adult can take, at any time, to reduce child exploitation.

For more resources on the steps you can take to promote internet safety and prevent child exploitation online, please check out the following links:

• How Human Traffickers are Reaching Kids Online
• Internet Safety in the Age of Virtual Learning
• Common Sense Media (Online Resources for Parents)
• Internet Matters (Online Resources for Parents)

(Green Bay, Wis) – The Sexual Assault Center of Family Services is inviting parents, caregivers and other community members to drop off their old smartphones, tablets and other handheld devices, Feb. 23-24 to have them recycled for free.

The event is aimed at preventing children and teens from gaining unsupervised access to the internet and is being held in conjunction with the center’s Give BIG Green Bay campaign. Many of the old devices in our junk drawers can still connect to Wi-Fi. With that, kids and teens can use them to gain unsupervised access to social media and messaging apps. This can put them at risk of predators online.

“My hope is that this drive will raise awareness of a simple step parents can take to further ensure their child’s safety,” said Tana Koss, Vice President of programming at Family Services.

Koss says the idea for the drive came in part from the Sexual Assault Center staff and their work with victims of online abuse, harassment and human trafficking. But also, from her own experience as a parent whose child was found to be using an unmonitored device to access the internet.

Holli Fisher, who manages the Sexual Assault Center, says awareness of the issue is key.

“Parents and caregivers play a critical role in protecting kids online. As soon as a child starts using a phone, mobile device or computer, it’s time to talk to them about online behavior and safety.”

Those wishing to drop off their old devices can place them in the collection box in the lobby of Family Services at 300 Crooks St, Green Bay, from 8 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. on Feb. 23 and Feb. 24. Additional drop-off sites include Ashwaubenon Public Safety, Brown County Sheriff’s Office and the Pulaski Police Department.

Accepted devices include iPods, smartphones, tablets and handheld gaming devices. Laptops or larger will not be accepted.

The Sexual Assault Center of Family Services is one of 45 nonprofits selected to participate in Give BIG Green Bay. Those who wish to support their cause and others are encourage to go online and make a donation from noon to noon, Feb. 23-24 at www.givebiggreenbay.org.

To view full detail about the device drive or to help spread the word, download the event flyers in English and Spanish.

By Kristi Kunze
Family Support Specialist
Early Head Start

As adults, we make choices every day. It can be simple choices like what to wear, to larger choices like what to make for dinner that impact the entire family.  Many times we do not stop to think about offering our little ones choices during the day because we are running on auto-pilot. We offer them what we think they should be eating or playing with, and then wonder why an argument ensues at mealtime when they do not want to eat.

Just like we want to be in charge of the choices we make as adults, children want to be able to make choices in their lives, too. This starts out at an early age.  Being able to make choices helps give children a sense of control in their lives and their environment. It also teaches them lessons about responsibility.

Offering kids choices allows them to feel empowered in their lives. This can lead to fewer power struggles between children and caregivers. Offering choices also gives you, the adult, the ability to redirect the child’s attention to tasks you want them to focus on.  By learning how to make decisions and control impulses from an early age, children learn how to take accountability for their emotions and feelings. And, to understand that as they grow older they can only control their actions and responses, not how others act or respond.

Simple Ways to Involve Children in Making Choices

1. At Mealtime – Limit the choices you give them to two acceptable options. Make sure that both these options will achieve your desired outcome (too many choices can be overwhelming to children).

2. Getting Dressed – Let children participate in dressing themselves by letting them choose between two tops to wear.

3. Family Decisions – Let your child pick between two games to play for a family game night. Or, let them choose between two movies for a family movie night.

4. Cleaning Up – Try letting your child decide if they want to pick up their toys before supper or after supper, rather than telling them to do it right then.

5. Positive Reinforcement – Celebrate the choice your child made. You could say, “you chose to pick up your toys before supper, great choice!” This will help them feel confident in their decision.

If your child makes a choice and does not like the consequences of their choices, use that situation as a learning opportunity.  Explain to your child how all of our choices have consequences and what they learned from this experience.  Ask them what they might do differently next time and why.  Allowing children to make their own choices, even though they sometimes may make the “wrong” choice, allows them to learn and grow, and allows us as parents to utilize these moments to teach them.

For more information on how to involve your children in making choices in a positive way, please visit the Conscious Discipline website.

By Becca Wilbershide
Child Abuse Prevention Specialist
Willow Tree Cornerstone Child Advocacy Center

Child abuse is a topic most parents don’t want to think about discussing with their kids. Unfortunately, it is a conversation that must be had. If you haven’t talked to your child about abuse, it may be because you doubt your own perceptions of what abuse is and how it happens. You might be afraid that you or your child will accuse someone falsely. Or, you may be putting off the conversation out of fear that your child will reveal something that is painful to hear.

Talking to your child about abuse doesn’t have to be scary. Below you will find 3 simple strategies to help you have this conversation, as well as some tips on why talking about abuse is important:

Call Private Body Parts by Anatomically Correct Names

According to Psychology Today, when kids are comfortable using the standard terms for their private body parts, they have more protection against sexual abuse. If your child feels awkward talking about their body parts, or if they feel embarrassed about asking questions, they will be less likely to tell you if someone is touching them inappropriately.

Start using anatomically correct names from an early age. You can begin by referring to them during diaper changes, bath time, when the child is getting dressed and/or when it is time to potty train.  If you are already using nicknames for private body parts, it’s okay to start using the correct names now. Make it clear that although your family has its own nicknames for private body parts, the correct names are what a doctor calls them.  If you are concerned about your child getting in trouble with other adults by using the names, then let the child know that these are PRIVATE and they should not use the names in public places, like at school.

Make Household Touching Rules

Have your family all sit down at the table or maybe in the living room and work together to decide which touches you deem safe and unsafe. Display these rules in way that anyone in the family can see the rules at any time. While making the list, talk about touches that are safe and okay to do: hugs, high-fives, knuckles etc., and unsafe: hitting, slapping, kicking etc. Make it clear that the rules apply to everyone inside and outside your home.

While making your list of Touching Rules, be sure to include the “Clean and Healthy Rule.”  This rule states that no one is allowed to look at or touch another person’s private body parts unless they are keeping them clean and healthy. For children, this typically means only doctors and parents. Touching or looking at private body parts under any other circumstance should be listed under unsafe touch. Having this rule will make it easier for your child to know the difference between good touches and bad touches.

Let Them Know They Can Talk to You

Let your child know that no matter what they tell you, that you will always have their best interest at heart.  Tell that that you will always believe them and will always listen to them.  Repeat, repeat, repeat. This lets the child know that you are someone they can trust and talk to if something bad is happening to them, without fear of getting in trouble for what is going on.

When it comes to child abuse there are some easy steps to help prevent it.  Teach your children the correct names for their private body parts, make touching rules, and let them know you will always be a person that they can trust.

If you need help with any of these things or have questions please call Willow Tree Cornerstone Child Advocacy Center at 920-436-8881 and ask for Becca Wilbershide, Prevention Education Specialist. Prevention education is a free service provided by Willow Tree that is available to schools, parents, organizations, and more.

By Paula Miller
Day Treatment

Everyone has struggles getting along together as a family. But this? This is different. Your child is defiant and sometimes even out of control. They won’t tell you what is wrong. Or maybe, they don’t want to get out of bed. Getting them to go to school is nearly impossible. They don’t want to take a shower and they wear the same clothes for days. As a parent, you’re worried. You aren’t sure what to do, but you know that something needs to be done. The question is, who can help?

When a child is showing signs of mental or behavioral health issues, it can be confusing to try and figure out who the child needs to see. Your search for services may uncover several local providers – each with different titles, and each with their own expertise. It can be hard to know which one is the right one to help your child and your family.

To help take out some of the guesswork, we’ve put together a road map of four types of mental health providers and what they can help with:

Therapist or Counselor: Individual or family appointments are attended at this person’s office (called outpatient sessions). Clients can see them weekly, bi-weekly, or more or less often depending upon need. This person is not a doctor and does not prescribe medications.

Psychologist: Is a doctor in the sense that they are a PhD in their field which involves extensive education. That’s where the title “Dr.” comes from. If they have PhD at the end of their name they are this kind of doctor. They do not prescribe medications. Some provide counseling sessions while others do evaluations which involve intensive testing to determine a more precise diagnosis for your child.

Psychiatrist: This is the medical doctor and has M.D. at the end of their name. They can prescribe medications. Appointments with them are usually to get the basic information about what has been going on and then deciding if medications are a good choice for your child. They go over the effects of the medication and any possible side effects. After the initial appointment you return to give updates to the doctor and discuss how the medication is working. They do not do counseling sessions.

Nurse Prescriber: Many people think that this person is a doctor because they prescribe medications. This is a registered nurse who has special training and licensing to be able to prescribe medications. Many people go to a nurse prescriber because it is easier to get in for an appointment with them than it is to get in with a psychiatrist.

If you are concerned about your child’s behavior, of the most important things to remember is don’t wait. The way mental health is set up, you have a starting point with a therapist and then you progress from there. If behaviors have been going on for a while don’t hesitate to make that first appointment and talk to someone. If problems and behaviors continue, consider seeing a psychiatrist. You will need a referral from your child’s primary care physician. Getting in for an appointment can take months, so it is important to set this up as soon as you think you need to.

Parents sometimes delay getting help for their child until things are serious enough that they are causing terrible disruption in the family. These families may be desperate to get their child into a more intensive type of service such as Day Treatment, only to find out that their insurances require that less intensive services such as outpatient therapy be tried first. That is why it’s important to get started with a counselor or therapist right away.

The Counseling Clinic at Family Services is currently taking appointments for virtual, outpatient therapy sessions and can be reached at 920-436-6800. Sometimes parents hesitate because there is still stigma attached to mental health services, but please don’t be afraid to reach out. That’s what therapists are there for and they want to help.

If your child and family have already tried less intensive services, but are still struggling, then our Day Treatment program may be a good fit. Day Treatment can help your child learn how to manage their emotions and develop responsible thinking while participating in intensive group therapy for issues such as trauma, family problems, or abuse. Call 920-433-3372 ext.100 to get the intake process started with a phone interview. There is currently no wait list for adolescents ages 14-18 years old. We look forward to talking to you!

By Shelby Mitchell
Sexual Assault Center Advocate

With so much happening in the country and the world right now, teaching our children how to stay safe on the internet might not feel like a priority. But knowing how to keep your kids safe online is as critical as ever. Nearly all school-aged children have spent months adjusting to online learning and finished the school year in this way. Many summer schools and summer camps are also making the move to online learning. And next school year, many students can expect to continue learning online at least part-time. Our children are being presented with more technology and devices, for a greater part of the day, than ever before.

With technology playing such an important role in our lives right now, it important to be aware of the dangers your child’s devices and the internet may pose. Predators often use social media and other social networking sites and apps to gain access to vulnerable people – especially children.

The following resources can help you stay up to date on the dangers that exist to create a safer online environment for your child:

Protect Young Eyes: The website www.protectyoungeyes.com, can give you up-to-date information on the safety features and risks of a variety of different sites. This website is a great tool to help empower parents and caregivers about the apps that are out there and what they are used for. Being armed with this information will help you to have educated conversations with your children about their boundaries on the internet.

Family Share Accounts: Agent Carl Waterstreet of the Wisconsin Department of Criminal Investigations works on internet-based crimes and states, “Some of the major things parents can do right now is set up a family share account on their phones.  This allows parents to control and monitor screen time, apps to download, and offer a backdoor way to turn their phones on and off.  It’s simple to set up, just go to settings on either your Apple or Android device and find the right tab to set it up.”

For instructions on how to set up a Family Share Account on iPhone or Android, click here.

Protect Kids Online: With all of this unexpected time at home, another great resource is the podcast Protect Kids Online. If you are not the podcast type, simply go to www.protectkidsonlinewi.gov and you can get the same content through your web browser.

The Protect Kids Online (PKO) Podcast is brought to you by the Wisconsin Department of Justice, Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force.  This podcast is designed as a resource for parents, grandparents, guardians, or caregivers of children. It is an excellent resource to learn about trends and updates on the latest apps, websites, and online activity of children age 17 and younger.  Topics on the podcast include: activities of the Wisconsin ICAC Task Force; App of the Week; tips & methods for combating online child exploitation and sextortion; Internet safety laws; cyberbullying; healthy online habits; protecting your child from strangers online; safe sharing tips; and responses to listener questions.

With this new age of virtual connection and online learning, the American Academy of Pediatrics has also created a few tips for parents and caregivers of very young children that are tailored to these unique times. Here are those guidelines, categorized by children’s ages:

Age 2 and under: It is advised that children younger than 18 months avoid all screen media, except for video chats with close family and friends. Parents of children age 18 to 24 months who want to introduce digital media are advised to choose high-quality programming and watch it with their children. Talk to them and help them understand what they’re seeing.

Age 2-5 years old: Limit screen use to high-quality programs for 1 hour per day. Parents and caregivers should view all media with children to help them understand what they are seeing and help them apply it to the world around them.

Age 6 and older: Place consistent limits on the time spent using media, and the types of media, and make sure media does not take the place of adequate sleep, physical activity or other behaviors that are essential to your child’s health.

Stay informed, stay healthy, and keep your children safe!

By Tammy Ullmer
Family Support Specialist
Women’s Recovery Journey
 

It’s 10 o’clock in the morning and so far I have built a perfectly symmetrical castle with blocks, baked three-dozen cookies, played two games of Trouble plus a tie-breaker game, had a lengthy discussion about sportsmanship, washed two loads of laundry, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and made it around the block with my 3^rd grader, my preschooler, my baby in the stroller, and our dog who thinks he needs to water every single yard we pass. Sound familiar?

Parenting during a pandemic is not for the faint of heart. COVID-19 has thrown us all into a world of uncertainty. We are not only parents but also teachers, friends, entertainment, and referees to our children. In times like these, we must turn to the golden rule of air travel: Put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping those around you. Translation: We must take the time to care for ourselves (without feeling guilty) before we can effectively care for our children. Below are 4 tips to help guide your parenting to promote your own mental wellness as well as your children’s mental wellness.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect. Without childcare or babysitters offering you a break, self-care might mean taking an extra minute for yourself hiding in the bathroom. Or, a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. It could be picking up a practice like meditation, deep breathing, a new hobby, journaling, or simply allowing yourself additional screen time. Give yourself room to not be a perfect parent, because there really is no such thing. Having 16 hours a day to fill to keep our children happy, occupied, schooled and well fed does not allow time for perfection. If you are doing your best, you are doing enough! It is more crucial to set a good example for your children by being calm, emotionally healthy, and reliable. Kids will model how their parents behave and react. If you raise your voice, appear stressed, exhibit erratic behavior or appear panicked, your children will do the same.

Let Them Be Bored. Not keeping your children busy 100% of the day will not cause them permanent harm. You are not a cruise director. You do not need to plan out every single second. Remember that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to time with your children. Scheduling every single minute of their day will just exhaust all those involved. Try to find a balance, exhibit calmness and let them know that uncertainty is a part of normal life and should be taken one moment at a time. This is how our children will learn resiliency, which is one of the most important skills they will use throughout their lives! When they look back on this time in their childhoods, they will not remember which games you played with them or how many cookies you baked. Instead, they will look back and remember whether you were present for them, whether you were calm and gentle with them, the ways you reassured them and squashed their anxieties, and all the ways you rooted them in reality and mindfulness.

Be Open About What is Happening. Please talk to your children about the virus and why all our lives are so different right now. Children know their lives are different. They have heard about the pandemic from the news, social media, and their friends or perhaps through overhearing your conversations with other adults. If the topic is not discussed with them directly, your child may begin to believe that the virus is unbelievable or scary. Without the facts their imaginations can run wild. Speaking to them about the virus will be an opportunity to dispel myths and teach them about the importance of gathering information from reputable, reliable sources. This will not be through social media outlets or other people’s personal opinions.

Accept the Lack of Control. We need to teach our children there are things in life that they (and you) cannot control. In times like these, it is important to encourage your children to focus on what they can control rather than what they can’t. In this case, they can control their home routines, schedules, and personal hygiene. This is a great opportunity to teach them to wash their hands regularly, sneeze or cough into their elbow, and to use at least 2 tissues at a time to blow or wipe their noses. Explain to them what social distancing means and how practicing it can help them stay safe. You can also help your children learn to identify their own feelings about what is happening. Play a game of “Emotions Charades” by having each player act out an emotion and guessing what that emotion is. Explain why it’s okay to feel those emotions and suggest healthy ways of dealing with them.

This should be a time of building memories…happy ones, not memories of excessive stress over how to fit 20 things into each day and which 20 different things you are going to do tomorrow. Remember to take care of yourself first and be sure to watch your children for changes in their sleep patterns, changes in appetite, mood fluctuations or expressions of self-harm. If you notice any of these changes please know that there are crisis workers, therapists and support specialists available by phone or virtual visits to help. We can’t always be everything to our children. Knowing when to ask for outside help is crucial to keeping our children happy, healthy, safe, and mentally well.