Author: eritchie

By Chelsea McGuire, MAC, LPC
Counseling Clinic Therapist

June is Pride Month. It’s a time to celebrate diversity in sexuality and gender identity. It’s also a time to remember that, historically, those who identify as a member of the LGBTQ+ community have faced significant stigma and discrimination. Although society has made much progress in this regard, those who identify as LGBTQ+ are much more likely to deal with mental health concerns due to the persistent marginalization and trauma they have experienced on both a community and individual level.

A 2017 survey by Mental Health America found that 49% – nearly half – of participating LGBTQ+ identifying individuals had experienced significant suicidal ideation over the past two weeks, as opposed to 33% of the general population. The same survey also found that LGBTQ+ identifying individuals were less likely to seek out mental health treatment than those identifying as heterosexual and/or cisgender.  These results reflect the need for significant change on an institutional level to ensure that members of the LGBTQ+ community are provided with the mental health support and services they need, free from judgement or stigmatization.

Fortunately, there are ways we can ALL help to make a significant impact on the mental and emotional wellbeing of the LGBTQ+ community:

Acceptance is consistently found to make a meaningful impact. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ identifying youth who feel accepted by their family, community, and friends are two-thirds less likely to experience suicidal ideation and attempts than those who do NOT experience familial support or otherwise welcoming environments. Anyone can offer their acceptance and support at no cost, and even the smallest action can have a significant impact on the life and mental health of an LGBTQ+ individual.

Allies seek to educate themselves regarding the range of sexuality and gender identities that exist. To be a good ally, use the appropriate pronouns when talking with a transgender individual and ask for clarification when needed. Make yourself available to listen to those who need to talk and process their experiences without judgement. Speak out against any prejudice or discrimination you come across in your community.

These are two simple ways you can make a positive impact on the mental health of LGBTQ+ individuals in your life and in your community. If you know someone who is struggling with their mental health due to marginalization or trauma, work to connect them with the social and mental health supports that they need. Let them know it is okay to seek help and that there are therapists right here in Northeast Wisconsin who specialize in the concerns of LGBTQ+ individuals.

Dear Supporters, Partners, and Friends of Family Services,

As an agency with a mission to Protect, Heal and Care for vulnerable members of our community, Family Services cannot remain silent concerning the disturbing events of this past week.

With the senseless murder of George Floyd, old and festering wounds have been exposed, not just nationally, but here in Northeast Wisconsin as well. Guilty parties must be held accountable and we must move toward helping everyone in our community to understand why people of color continue to live in fear in this country.

Our responsibility is to listen and understand the needs of others more thoroughly. As a community and as individuals, we cannot turn a blind eye to the racism and inequality that has been with us since the founding of our nation. We must understand the systemic issues which contribute to people of color being over represented in our jails and prisons. We must understand the anger and fear that resurfaces every time we see instances of brutality and excessive force by those in authority.

Racism and inequality is our collective problem and not just a problem in Minneapolis or somewhere else. Rather than placing blame on one another, we must be willing to come together as individuals and as allies to solve these problems that continue to haunt us. As we have continually said during the COVID-19 crisis, we are in this together. These words are never truer or more necessary.

Paraphrasing a common expression from the Civil Rights movement in the 1960s, we are called to action with these words – If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. We must commit and we must commit now to be part of destroying racism and inequality in our communities.

Family Services continues to have a vision for our community and this vision is simple – “A community of thriving children, strong families and healthy individuals.” There is no better place to begin to realize this vision than by doing what we can to fight social inequality whenever and wherever we encounter it.

Please join us as we take on this most crucial challenge! Our actions must now speak louder than our words.  Together, we can Protect, Heal and Care.

Sincerely,

Jeff Vande Leest
Family Services’ President & CEO

By Vicky Coppens, MSW, LCSW
Counseling Clinic Supervisor/Therapist

Mental health providers have had to quickly adapt to delivering virtual therapy services to their clients online or by phone due to COVID-19. If you or someone you know is experiencing challenges with their mental wellness during the pandemic, virtual therapy may be a nice support to help you through this time.

Meeting with a therapist virtually, instead of in person, can be a different experience for many. As a therapist and telehealth provider, I’ve put together the following tips to help you get the most out of every virtual therapy session.

Create a Private Space

Make sure that you are able to engage in your session in a quiet, confidential space in your home. Avoid any areas where you will be easily distracted. If you live with others, consider placing a Do Not Disturb sign on the door of your quiet space and have a conversation prior to your appointment regarding your need for privacy. You may also consider using headphones or earbuds that are compatible to your device (laptop, phone etc.) to ensure privacy.

 

Acknowledge Your Feelings About Telehealth

Keep in mind that it is natural to feel nervous or even awkward prior to starting telehealth therapy. Tell your therapist how you are feeling; they should be able to help you to work through any feelings of discomfort. Ask for what you need. Remember, you are looking for support during a challenging time. If therapy does not appear to be going in the direction that you would like, tell your therapist! Any feedback you give them should be welcome.

 

Be mindful

Prior to your session, make a list of what you want to address. It’s important for you, the client, to direct your session. In the moment you may forget what it is that you wanted to talk about, particularly if this is your first virtual therapy experience. Another good way to stay focuses is to avoid any multitasking during the session. For the next 45 to 50 minutes, allow yourself to fully engage with your therapist. Try to make eye contact with your camera and focus on what you and your therapist are saying to each other. Make sure that your device is fully charged and is working well prior to the appointment. This will ensure that you are able to fully engage in your session without worrying that your device is going to lose power at any moment.

Again, meeting with a mental health therapist via telehealth may feel uncomfortable at first. However, if you keep these tips in mind and prepare yourself ahead of time, the experience will likely be effective and even enjoyable.

If you are interested in booking a virtual therapy session, Family Services’ Counseling Clinic is currently accepting new clients. To schedule and appointment or learn more, please call (920) 436-6800.

Jim Dercks, MAC, LPC
Counseling Clinic Therapist
 

The smell of the flowers, the birds chirping, the warm breeze on your face, and the trees blooming.  Springtime is finally here.  The long, cold winter is over and the warmth of spring air is making its return.  Most of us miss, however, the details of spring that make it so beautiful.  Why is that?  Is it because we are too busy?  Is it because we are too focused on everything else in life?  Is it because it comes every year so it’s nothing new, been there done that?  These are just a few examples as to why we miss out on the small, detailed wonders of our world.  This is where mindfulness comes in.

Mindfulness is a mental state where you become completely aware of your surroundings and your body.  Mindfulness is living in the present, not the past or future, and being aware of where you are at in that current moment.  To achieve perfect mindfulness, a person is in touch with all five senses: taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound.  They acknowledge where they are at and they take it in – all of it.

With spring arriving, this is a great time to practice your own mindfulness.  When you hear the birds start chirping, take in the sounds.  Chances are you have not heard bird sounds in months.  Enjoy their songs and how they communicate with each other.  As it starts getting warmer out, go outside and take in the heat of the breeze and block out everything else.  Let your body enjoy that warmth as you meditate on it.  When you see some flowers that are blooming, take a moment to enjoy the coloring of the flowers after a white winter.  Go up and smell those flowers and try to capture every scent that they give off.  If you are one for dancing in the rain, spring comes with a lot of it.  Feel the rain as it comes down, listen to it splash on the ground, taste the raindrops, and enjoy the moment.  Being mindful keeps you in the present moment to take it all in.

Mindfulness brings with it a sense of peace and understanding.  If you would like to explore other helpful ways to enhance your mindfulness this spring, please follow the link https://mindfulminutes.com/springtime-mindfulness-6-ways-invigorate-practice/ to practice and learn six more ways to do so from Melissa Eisler.  Let us all be more mindful this spring and remember to enjoy the little things!

By Tammy Ullmer
Family Support Specialist
Women’s Recovery Journey
 

It’s 10 o’clock in the morning and so far I have built a perfectly symmetrical castle with blocks, baked three-dozen cookies, played two games of Trouble plus a tie-breaker game, had a lengthy discussion about sportsmanship, washed two loads of laundry, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and made it around the block with my 3^rd grader, my preschooler, my baby in the stroller, and our dog who thinks he needs to water every single yard we pass. Sound familiar?

Parenting during a pandemic is not for the faint of heart. COVID-19 has thrown us all into a world of uncertainty. We are not only parents but also teachers, friends, entertainment, and referees to our children. In times like these, we must turn to the golden rule of air travel: Put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping those around you. Translation: We must take the time to care for ourselves (without feeling guilty) before we can effectively care for our children. Below are 4 tips to help guide your parenting to promote your own mental wellness as well as your children’s mental wellness.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect. Without childcare or babysitters offering you a break, self-care might mean taking an extra minute for yourself hiding in the bathroom. Or, a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. It could be picking up a practice like meditation, deep breathing, a new hobby, journaling, or simply allowing yourself additional screen time. Give yourself room to not be a perfect parent, because there really is no such thing. Having 16 hours a day to fill to keep our children happy, occupied, schooled and well fed does not allow time for perfection. If you are doing your best, you are doing enough! It is more crucial to set a good example for your children by being calm, emotionally healthy, and reliable. Kids will model how their parents behave and react. If you raise your voice, appear stressed, exhibit erratic behavior or appear panicked, your children will do the same.

Let Them Be Bored. Not keeping your children busy 100% of the day will not cause them permanent harm. You are not a cruise director. You do not need to plan out every single second. Remember that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to time with your children. Scheduling every single minute of their day will just exhaust all those involved. Try to find a balance, exhibit calmness and let them know that uncertainty is a part of normal life and should be taken one moment at a time. This is how our children will learn resiliency, which is one of the most important skills they will use throughout their lives! When they look back on this time in their childhoods, they will not remember which games you played with them or how many cookies you baked. Instead, they will look back and remember whether you were present for them, whether you were calm and gentle with them, the ways you reassured them and squashed their anxieties, and all the ways you rooted them in reality and mindfulness.

Be Open About What is Happening. Please talk to your children about the virus and why all our lives are so different right now. Children know their lives are different. They have heard about the pandemic from the news, social media, and their friends or perhaps through overhearing your conversations with other adults. If the topic is not discussed with them directly, your child may begin to believe that the virus is unbelievable or scary. Without the facts their imaginations can run wild. Speaking to them about the virus will be an opportunity to dispel myths and teach them about the importance of gathering information from reputable, reliable sources. This will not be through social media outlets or other people’s personal opinions.

Accept the Lack of Control. We need to teach our children there are things in life that they (and you) cannot control. In times like these, it is important to encourage your children to focus on what they can control rather than what they can’t. In this case, they can control their home routines, schedules, and personal hygiene. This is a great opportunity to teach them to wash their hands regularly, sneeze or cough into their elbow, and to use at least 2 tissues at a time to blow or wipe their noses. Explain to them what social distancing means and how practicing it can help them stay safe. You can also help your children learn to identify their own feelings about what is happening. Play a game of “Emotions Charades” by having each player act out an emotion and guessing what that emotion is. Explain why it’s okay to feel those emotions and suggest healthy ways of dealing with them.

This should be a time of building memories…happy ones, not memories of excessive stress over how to fit 20 things into each day and which 20 different things you are going to do tomorrow. Remember to take care of yourself first and be sure to watch your children for changes in their sleep patterns, changes in appetite, mood fluctuations or expressions of self-harm. If you notice any of these changes please know that there are crisis workers, therapists and support specialists available by phone or virtual visits to help. We can’t always be everything to our children. Knowing when to ask for outside help is crucial to keeping our children happy, healthy, safe, and mentally well.

By Kristie Sickel
Program Supervisor/Child Forensic Interviewer
Willow Tree Cornerstone Child Advocacy Center

 

In times of instability and stress it is not uncommon for rates of child abuse to increase. The COVID-19 pandemic is undoubtedly one of those times. We know that some children are not safer at home. But while the rate of child abuse is likely going up, reports of child abuse have gone down.

Children are no longer in the places where adults had previously looked out for their safety and well-being. This includes schools, childcare facilities, after-school programs, and other public places. In many cases, children are even isolated from their extended family members. This lack of interaction means children have fewer people watching over them and fewer opportunities to tell if someone is hurting them.

It is important to remember during this time that we all have a responsibility to protect children. If you know a family that is under extreme stress, you can help by doing small things to ease some of the burden they are feeling. Small acts of support in the form of food, toilet paper, children’s activities or an empathetic ear can make a world of difference to ease their stress.

If you have a concern or if something does not feel or look right, make a report to your local child welfare agency. Making a report is asking for help and services from a professional who can further assess the situation. Remember to trust your gut and never assume that someone else will make the call for help.

For more information about abuse or to make a report your area, please visit https://dcf.wisconsin.gov/reportabuse.

 

 

 

By Daniela Santiago
Sexual Assault Center Advocate

The experience of a sexual assault or sexual abuse can leave you feeling all over the place. You may be unsure who to call, where to go, or what to do next. It’s normal to feel emotions like shock, disbelief, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, and/or suicidal thoughts.

As a Sexual Assault Center Advocate, I want you to know that help and support are available – free of judgement, free of cost, and fully confidential. If you’ve been sexually assaulted, here are 5 things to know to help you decide how, when, and where to get help.

1. Are you safe? Your safety is a top priority. If you do not feel safe, reach out to someone you trust who will provide a place where you can feel safe.

2. This was not your fault. The only person to blame is the perpetrator. It does not matter what you were wearing or what you said. No one deserves to be abused or harassed.

3. Know your options. You are not required to report what happened to you. If you do feel comfortable reporting, contact law enforcement in the area where the assault happened. Whether you report the assault or not you can be connected to an advocate with the Sexual Assault Center in your area by calling (920) 436-8899. Our advocates will offer you support and can connect you with local resources. Remember that advocates are specially trained staff who will be non-judgmental and believe you! You can also seek medical care. Doctors and nurses will not force you to report the assault. Depending on when the assault occurred, a Sexual Assault Nurse Exam (SANE) could result in valuable evidence – evidence that can be submitted whether you choose to report now or later.

4. Healing is not immediate. It may take months to years to heal from a sexual assault due to its traumatic effect on an individual. It is important that you listen to your emotions, your body, and your mind. You may wish to speak with a professional counselor who will listen to you and teach you tools to use as you become a survivor of sexual assault.

5. You are not alone. There are support groups available where you can meet with others who have survived sexual assault in a relaxed and safe environment, all while learning ways to cope. There are many community resources staffed with people who want to help you, support you, and see you succeed. It’s never too late to speak up!

Sexual assault, abuse and harassment touches many lives. We know that it happens to children, adolescents and adults. No matter what your situation is, the Sexual Assault Center is here to help you find a way forward. For more information about our services, please visit our web page or call us at one of the 24/7 hotline numbers listed below.

Brown County: (920) 436-8899
Door County: (920) 746-8996
Marinette County: (715) 732-7300
Oconto County: (920) 846-2111

All Sexual Assault Center Services and free and confidential.

The impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on people’s mental health will be felt long after our lives return to some kind of normalcy.

Today, I wanted to share a brief message with you about this challenge, how Family Services is responding, and how we are preparing for the immense needs to come.

Thank you and stay safe,

Jeff Vande Leest
President & CEO
Family Services of Northeast Wisconsin

By Elissa Kraynik
Supervisor/Family Support Specialist
Parent Connection

If you have a toddler in your household, you know how important routine can be. But right now, try as you may, your usual routine might not be happening. Sleep schedules, daycare, play dates, and trips to the playground are all things that helped you and your child stay on a familiar and comforting rhythm. Without them, you may be feeling stressed and your toddler might be, too.

How does a toddler show their frustration or confusion? Tantrums. And a tantrum is almost guaranteed to make an already stressful parenting situation even more stressful. Before you react, it’s important to take a step back and think through what is REALLY going on. Both in your mind, and in your child’s mind.

Say you’ve just told your toddler that they can’t do or have something that they want. After some back-and-forth, your toddler hits the ground crying and screaming. They may even yell, “I hate you!” In YOUR mind, you are likely thinking or feeling the following:

 

Parent/Caregiver Brain:

“My kid hates me”

“I am a horrible parent”

“I just need five minutes of quiet to myself!”

“I can’t wait until they go to bed!”

“I am going to LOSE it!”

“I just want to scream!”

 

Your feelings in these moments are extremely valid. Remember, your toddler does not hate you. In fact, they are acting this way because they feel safest and most secure with you.  Way to go! So, what exactly is going through your child’s mind during this tantrum? If they could explain it to you, this is probably what they would say.

 

Toddler Brain:

“That cookie is RIGHT in front of me and I’m hungry NOW! You are telling me that dinner is in my future.”

“I’m trying to find the words, but I don’t know enough words to get my emotions out.”

“I missed my nap or went to bed late last night. I am overtired physically and lack the emotional control to handle this.”

“I need Mommy or Daddy to make me feel better, because I am still learning ways to make MYSELF feel better.”

“I can’t even remember why I am crying, because this is taking a lot of energy out of me. This lack of control makes me even MORE upset!”

“I need help!”

 

Your toddler’s emotions have gotten in the way of their brain understanding what you are saying. They haven’t learned yet how to handle big feelings. A lot of this has to do with knowing how they feel, but not knowing enough words to get those feelings out.

Remind yourself of this: the way YOU handle this situation is modeling how your toddler should respond to THEIR big feelings. They are learning from you. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Get down at your child’s level so you are eye to eye. Validate your child’s feelings before explaining why they can’t have their way. For example, you could say to your child, “I bet you are really hungry. I’m so sorry. I bet that is upsetting. I get upset when I’m hungry, too.”

After validating your toddler’s feelings, try distracting them with new tasks. For example, you could tell your toddler, “I could REALLY use a special helper! I bet we can have dinner ready faster if you are able to be my special helper. Thank you SO much! Can I please have a hug?” After the new task is done, be sure to praise your child for what they accomplished. “I had a great time cooking with you! I’m so glad you are feeling better! I am, too!”

Remember, if you ever feel yourself getting too overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a “Mommy Time Out” or “Daddy Time Out.” Even 5 minutes of self-care can help you calm down and release some of the stress you are feeling. Take a warm bath, read that magazine article, take a walk, or call a friend. Keep in mind that it’s okay to ask for help. Reach out. There are resources and support available to you, and Family Services is here to help!

 

By Chelsea McGuire, MAC, LPC
Counseling Clinic Therapist

We are living in an uncertain time. All of us have been affected by significant stress and change. This especially applies to children who do not necessarily have the language or tools to describe how they are feeling.

If you’re a parent – caregiver – or teacher, you might be wondering how best to help children cope during the COVID-19 pandemic. We’ve put together four tips to help you put their minds at ease:

Be honest. Share age-appropriate facts about what is going on. Children tend to worry more when they don’t understand something. They will often fill in the blanks with false information to try and make sense of what is happening. Start a conversation with your child by asking how they feel about the changes to their normal routine. Invite them to ask you any questions that they might have. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel what they are feeling and help them figure out ways to handle these emotions in a healthy way.

Set the emotional tone for your child. While adults are certainly dealing with their own stressors and challenges right now, it’s important to be calm and reassuring when interacting with children. They will be observing your behavior and it is up to parents and caregivers to provide as much stability as possible. Make sure that you are taking care of your own emotions, and don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health provider if needed.

Focus on what your family is doing to stay safe. Teach and model appropriate hand washing procedures and practice social distancing. Engage in virtual visits with family and friends to provide your child with the connections that they are missing. Challenge them to spread positivity by making cards for healthcare workers or nursing homes residents.

Lastly, work to maintain a sense of normalcy. While your children may not be going to school or able to see their friends, they are still able to learn, be active, use their imagination, and help out around the house. Stick to their regular routine as much as possible.

All of us are figuring out how to navigate this new way of life. The same goes for our children. If you find that your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, or behavioral concerns during this time, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional therapist for help.