Category: Parenting

 

By Chelsea McGuire, MAC, LPC
Counseling Clinic Therapist

We are living in an uncertain time. All of us have been affected by significant stress and change. This especially applies to children who do not necessarily have the language or tools to describe how they are feeling.

If you’re a parent – caregiver – or teacher, you might be wondering how best to help children cope during the COVID-19 pandemic. We’ve put together four tips to help you put their minds at ease:

Be honest. Share age-appropriate facts about what is going on. Children tend to worry more when they don’t understand something. They will often fill in the blanks with false information to try and make sense of what is happening. Start a conversation with your child by asking how they feel about the changes to their normal routine. Invite them to ask you any questions that they might have. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel what they are feeling and help them figure out ways to handle these emotions in a healthy way.

Set the emotional tone for your child. While adults are certainly dealing with their own stressors and challenges right now, it’s important to be calm and reassuring when interacting with children. They will be observing your behavior and it is up to parents and caregivers to provide as much stability as possible. Make sure that you are taking care of your own emotions, and don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health provider if needed.

Focus on what your family is doing to stay safe. Teach and model appropriate hand washing procedures and practice social distancing. Engage in virtual visits with family and friends to provide your child with the connections that they are missing. Challenge them to spread positivity by making cards for healthcare workers or nursing homes residents.

Lastly, work to maintain a sense of normalcy. While your children may not be going to school or able to see their friends, they are still able to learn, be active, use their imagination, and help out around the house. Stick to their regular routine as much as possible.

All of us are figuring out how to navigate this new way of life. The same goes for our children. If you find that your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, or behavioral concerns during this time, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional therapist for help.

By Heather Goetsch
Family Support Specialist
Early Head Start

Take a moment to think about how you manage stress and conflict with your children. Do you yell? Do you behave in ways you later regret? Rather than yelling or shouting when a child isn’t listening, you can make a commitment to using a new skill – one that is proven to benefit your child as well.

Picture this: Your child has not been listening to your requests throughout the day. This has led you to raise your voice. You may even punish your child by sending them to their room. In turn, your child is now responding with a full-blown, tear-filled tantrum. Nobody is feeling good about this situation. You’re upset and your child is upset.

Now imagine trying this: After a full day of struggling with your child’s behavior, you feel your fuse shortening. Instead of losing your cool, you choose to follow the strategies of what is known as Conscious Discipline:

Control Yourself First

Remind yourself that the only person you can change is yourself. This is a powerful way of thinking. You cannot control how others around you may respond, but you can choose to control yourself. This is self-control.

 

Just Breathe

Breathing is something we all know how to do, but are we choosing to do it? That is what Conscious Discipline is all about, about committing to the skill. In moments when you feel overwhelmed by your children, try practicing this breathing technique from Conscious Discipline, called STAR.

S– Stop. Commit to pausing here. Pause your response. This pause gives you the chance to think about how to respond rather than react.

T- Take a deep breath. Your inhale should push your stomach out and last about four seconds. Your exhale should bring your stomach in and last about eight seconds.

A – And…

R– Relax. Allow your deep breaths to calm you. Remind yourself, “I am safe,” “I can handle this,” and “keep breathing.”

When you actively choose to use Conscious Discipline, you are not only choosing to regain your composure and self-control, but you are also downloading calm onto your child. You are giving them the skills that they will one day need to self-regulate themselves.

Remember, chaos invites chaos. But calmness, love and composure are also contagious. By choosing self-control and by choosing to breathe, to actively and consciously breathe, you are allowing yourself to find your calm and to share it with your family. Life isn’t always easy, and parenting is challenging. Remember to be kind to yourself and just breathe. For more information about Conscious Discipline and the skills it offers for parents and children, check out the Conscious Discipline website at www.ConsciousDiscipline.com.

By Katie Gazella
Open Door Youth Services

One of the most common myths about human trafficking is that traffickers are literally kidnapping people off the street. While that scenario does sometimes happen, it is much more rare than people have been led to believe. The truth is, most human traffickers are luring in their victims in a way that is much more subtle. 

Human traffickers are always on the lookout for their next victim. The internet and social media bring that search right to their fingertips. Traffickers can now reach out to vulnerable children, teens, and adults on any application that allows for direct messaging. This includes apps like Tik Tok, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, SnapChat, Twitter, Roblox and Fortnite.

Without the proper privacy protections, traffickers can see what a child has posted online. Those posts may reveal to a trafficker the child’s vulnerabilities, where they like to hang out, and what their interests are. A survivor of human trafficking in Wisconsin once shared with me that her trafficker was someone who responded to the online ad she had posted about re-homing her pitbull. The trafficker sent her a direct message talking about his love of pitbulls. The message was something she could easily relate to. The chat was friendly, not threatening. This is how their friendship started.

Once the online friendship is started, traffickers look for ways to get closer to their victims. They might form a dating relationship, ask for favors, or test the victim’s boundaries. Most human trafficking survivors report that they knew their traffickers before anything bad happened. For most, the relationship started out very innocently. 

The dangers of human trafficking that exist online are real. That’s why it’s so important for everyone, especially parents and kids, to pay attention to their social media accounts and privacy settings. 

Here’s what you and your family can do today to stay safe from human traffickers online: 

•         Always have your privacy settings at the strictest possible setting.
•         Always have the location setting turned off.
•         Never post your location or check in at specific locations.
•         Only have contacts that you actually know in real life.
•         Periodically check your privacy settings. Updates may cause your settings to revert back.

To learn more about online safety and how children and teens can stay protected online, check out the Protect Kids Online Podcast by the Wisconsin Department of Justice.

 

 

 

By Megan Kaye
Counseling Clinic Therapist

 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  One out of every four pregnancies ends in miscarriage or infant loss. This alarming statistic impacts moms and dads every day, and more than likely impacts someone in your life.  Like most people, you may be struggling to find ways to support your friend or family member.  What makes this loss even more difficult is that grieving parents often don’t know what they need or have the ability to ask for it if they do.  But here’s the good news: helping your friend or family member may be easier than you think.

 

1.) Say Their Child’s Name

One of the best ways to help a grieving parent is to say their child’s name.  It may seem awkward at first, but this kind gesture will help grieving parents know their child has not been forgotten.  It could be as simple as saying “I was thinking about  (child’s name) today. I bet you really miss him/her.” If the loss was earlier in the pregnancy and the child does not have a name, it will still be helpful to say you are thinking about their baby.  Mentioning the baby’s name may bring tears to any grieving parent’s eyes, but please don’t be discouraged from offering this kindness again.  Remembering their child with them is the best gift.

 

2.) Offer Specific Help

In the early days of grief, bereaved parents hopefully have people coming to show their support.  Unfortunately, that support can fade quickly, and they are left with thoughts of “let me know if you need anything.”  Expecting grieving parents to identify what they need, know who can fill that need, and summon up the energy to ask requires more effort than they have. Early in grief, parents have all they can do to face each day without their child.  Instead, try offering something specific for your friend or loved one. Prepare meals, create a care package, walk the dog, or run errands.  Even if the offer is declined, try again later.  It’s possible you caught them at a bad time, but the effort will certainly not go unnoticed.

 

3.) Remember Important Dates

Keep track of due dates, birth dates, and loss dates.  Those days are so special for a grieving parent, and they would appreciate it if they were special to you, too.  Put those dates on your calendar so you don’t forget to reach out.  Send a card or flowers, or perhaps donate to a special cause in their child’s name.  Sometimes with grief, we think that those who are grieving just have to get through the “year of firsts,” and then it will get better.  That couldn’t be further from the truth for grieving parents.  They will not see their child for the rest of their life, but knowing they have people who remember their child with them is the best medicine for their broken heart.

 

4.) Dads Grieve, Too

Dads are so often the strong ones in child loss.  They are taking care of their wife who is likely recovering from a pregnancy and delivery.  They are making phone calls they don’t want to make, asking for breaks from visitors so their wife can rest, and are going back to work so they can provide for their family.  The dad will no doubt get asked how his wife is handling the loss, but who is asking him how he is doing?  Sadly, not many people are checking in on the dads, but you can change that.  When you ask how the mom is doing, ask dad, too.  Offer to take him out to lunch, or just spend quiet time with him.  Even if he is not sharing his feelings, he misses his baby just as much as the mom.

 

Even for close friends and family, it is natural to avoid a traumatic and out of order death like pregnancy and infant loss. We are all human, and no one is equipped to handle experiencing this loss or supporting someone who is living their life without their baby. Of course you will make mistakes and wonder if you are doing the right thing. Showing up for a grieving parent regularly and remembering their child will help them more than you will ever know.

Megan Kaye is an outpatient therapist at the Counseling Clinic of Family Services. She has worked with children, adolescents, adults, and their families in an outpatient setting since 2010.

To learn more about Megan or to schedule an appointment with her, click here.